When I put it to Facebook to find out what my faithful fans wanted to hear about I received some interesting responses. One was what is the difference between hair and fur (I'm looking at you Adam Crammond). That one was simple. They are indistinguishable chemically, the difference comes in language. Fur is used for non-humans. Hoorah. Tune in next time... Just kidding. There were actually quite a few ideas that I really liked, but the first one that struck me was asking about how I came to be a pastor. This is a story that pastors really get used to telling this because it becomes a typical question at interviews, on visits, just about everywhere. I figure since origin stories seem to be all the rage right now (Wonder Woman, Guardians of the Galaxy, Wolverine (Logan), Deadpool, Superman, Iron Man, etc) that I would share my very own origin story. Cue the dramatic music. Close-up on a young Robyn... My mom and dad had me baptized when I was a baby. That was the start at least, when God claimed me in the waters of baptism. But then my wandering began, much like the Israelites I made my way into the desert and tried to see what else life would bring me. My parents weren't big church-goers so it didn't come up a lot in my house. A dear friend of mine was a very devoted Christian. He regularly attended worship and was always trying to get me to go with him. Through thick and thin he was there to support and care for me. But then, he got sick. Really, really sick. At 12 years old it all got so bad that he killed himself. I was lost and devastated. There really was nothing for me to wrap my mind around, nothing to anchor my grief in. This is what started my search for an answer, for meaning, for a reason. I started exploring churches. There are so many different churches out there. A lot of different ways to seek a higher power. The first church I sought informed me that suicide is a sin and basically that my friend was in hell. So... not helpful would be the most generous way to describe that response. I struggle to this day with how anyone could tell an impressionable 12 year old something that lacked any and all grace. For a while I couldn't bring myself to even look at any other churches. I thought that I was done. It just took my heart out and I felt bereft. As I slowly recovered from that fail I began to search again. There was a small ELCA Lutheran church just up the road from my house. Faith Lutheran Church. I decided I would check it out and since churches were always open (at least in movies) I went up one Wednesday evening. It just so happened that it was during Lent which made it actually true that the church was open and having mid-week worship. I peeked in and immediately the women who saw me brought me over with them, shared where they were in the service and helped me follow along. They showed me love and compassion from the moment I walked in the door. Following service the pastor of that congregation, Pastor Schluep, sat and talked with me all about my struggles, my doubts, my loss, my grief... He was absolutely amazing and I will never forget what he told me at the very end of that conversation: "God was never as close as when your friend was in his last moments. In your friends deepest pain God was with him through to the end." Those were exactly the words that I needed to hear. I do not think I will ever be able to adequately voice my gratitude for what Pastor Schluep did for me. My mom also started to attend mid-week services at Faith Lutheran and we went through their new member class. I absolutely adored that class, I couldn't get enough of what he was sharing with the class. Since there were no other youth going through any kind of confirmation program he decided to let me join the church and become an adult member because of my participation in the class. From that point on I wanted to be involved at the church. I began playing clarinet in the Saturday evening praise service. Since there was no youth group my mom helped me start one. I dragged any of my friends I could to go with me. I was the first one to volunteer to acolyte for all three hours of the Good Friday midday service (I LOVE GOOD FRIDAY). If the doors to the church were open, I was there. This is not to say I didn't struggle with faith. I very much did, it was hard to align the values of high school with the values of faith. I did not always live up to that challenge. Pastor Schluep mentored me through this all. He invited me to consider attending the national youth gathering that was going to happen in St. Louis that summer. Since no one else from our church was going he connected me with the bigger Lutheran church nearby since they had a large group going. I am grateful for that group, especially Krystl and Sarah. They were the ones that took me in and became my friends through the gathering. ELCA National Youth Gathering, 2000, theme: "Dancing at the Crossroads", 30,000 youth from across the country gathered to worship, serve and learn about faith. It was absolutely amazing. There were service project, giant inflatables, games, concerts, and speakers. One evening the speaker was Bishop Desmond Tutu. I remember being awestruck, especially since he had just been in the hospital (was still wearing the wristband). Unfortunately, I cannot tell you exactly what he said... but as I was listening to him I felt as though everything stilled and I felt the Holy Spirit rest on me. The whisper in my ear told me to become a pastor. I couldn't believe it... It didn't seem right. After all, I didn't have all the church-y experiences that kids have - Sunday school, VBS, camp (thank goodness), and I didn't know all the details of the Bible. I didn't think there was any way at all God could be calling someone like me to be in ministry. I decided to call God's bluff and when I got home from the Gathering I went to see Pastor Schluep. I told him that I thought God was calling me to be a pastor and he said "I thought that might happen." Which just shocked me to no end, he was the one that was supposed to tell me that I was mistaken and that I should look elsewhere. He also shared with me at this time that he was going to be retiring. (By the way, how great is the show "New Girl"? I watch this show when I'm relaxing.) Anyway, I had a bit of a breakdown. Pure panic set in because I was not sure I could handle my mentor, the one who brought me into the church, no longer being there. He thought it would be a good thing for my faith formation heading on the path to ordination if I went to a church with a steady pastoral presence and so I transferred over to Messiah Lutheran (which was the church which let me attend the youth gathering with their youth). They helped me in so many ways as I continued on my faith journey. During the summer after my senior year of high school I attended a three week program called "Summer Seminary Sampler" at Trinity Lutheran Seminary which let me get an idea of ways ministry happens in the world. It was an incredible experience and I couldn't wait to attend Trinity after I finished college. My college of choice was Wittenberg University in Springfield, Ohio. I majored in English literature and minored in Sociology. Met my best friends in the world. And believed that at some point God was going to show me how wrong I was in pursuing ministry and the right way would make itself clear. Well... That didn't happen. So, towards the end of college I went to meet with my synod's candidacy committee for my entrance interview absolutely positive there was no way they were going to tell me yes. I was absolutely terrified because it scared me to death to think about what would happen if they said yes and also what would happen if they said no. I'm guessing I don't need to say that they did, in fact, give me the green light to attend seminary. That is where I met my husband, had God continue to call my bluff, and eventually led me to ordination in the ELCA. That, though, is a whole other blog post.
Here ends my origin story... or maybe it is the beginning of another story...
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AuthorI've been Robyn for my whole life. I've been a wife for 10 years and a mom for 5 years. I've been a pastor for about 10 years. I'm still stumbling, but I'm still standing. Archives
April 2019
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