Then, we were potty training Lucas. (talk about draining... wow... he really is a stubborn one) But, hallelujah, thank you Jesus, Lucas is potty trained!!! And then there was just my delightful general depression that, whenever I'd think about writing, would say: "But, you know watching mindless tv and going to sleep early sounds way better, doesn't it?" And, really, it did. Finally, though, things have leveled out and here I am! Just in time to offer my Father's Day rant. I get so frustrated with society's slowness in catching up to the fact that men can be, and are, really good, competent, loving dads. The message that men are either cold, distant dollar earners or goofy, incompetent imbeciles is disgustingly pervasive in the media today. My mom works for drug stores stocking the greeting cards. I used to help her occasionally, and so now, any time I'm in a card department I'm subconsciously checking it out for neatness and also for what the latest cards are that have been put out. Especially around Father's Day, but also in the general dad's birthday section, the theme typically is "hahaha, you try to do things that a mom does, but you're really bad at them, so we're going to make fun of you but make it seem like an act of affection." Seriously, the next time you are in a card department take a look. You get cards like "World's Best Farter." "I think Mom is raising me just fine. Happy father's day." Others that insinuate they might as well just ask mom. You'll see just a couple of images below. And this is just the tip of the iceberg. How are we not offended for dad's at this belittling of dad's abilities to care for their children? What are we doing to the confidence of men who aren't yet fathers when we tell him throughout his life that he will not be able to be a good dad, or at least that he'll never be as good as mom? What are we telling men if we belittle the time they spend alone with their children as "babysitting?" Why, then, should he even try to be a good dad if he's doomed to fail according to what we see in society? In 2012 Huggies put out an ad. Know the premise? "To prove Huggies can handle just about anything, we put them to the toughest test imaginable: dads, alone with their babies, in one house, for five days." From commercials, to comics, to cars, to tv shows and movies, dad's are portrayed as useless, incompetent, lazy, dumb, easily outwitted guys who just aren't anywhere near as good as moms. Think Fred Flintstone, Married with Children's Al Bundy, Shameless's Frank Gallagher, Mike Heck on The Middle who is a good, but distant and univolved dad, Homer Simpson, any kids show on Nickelodeon or Disney, and even on shows like Home Improvement with Tim Taylor, a generally good dad was constantly making messes that had to be cleaned up by mom. It gets really old to see the important place dad's hold in the lives of their children relegated to cheap jokes, absent forgetful fools, or just awful. The question posed by these shows is: "What do we really need dad's for except a paycheck and an outlet for our jokes." Our dad's deserve better. If we want to encourage our sons to grow up to be well-rounded, participatory, engaged fathers (should that be their desire), we have to stop portraying them this way and start showing the wide range of fathering. My husband is an amazing partner in raising our son. I absolutely adore him and I cannot express enough how much it means to me that he wants to be an active, engaged dad to our little boy. In no way whatsoever is he incompetent. He shares the responsibilities of being a parent with me, which means that sometimes when I feel crappy, he does 95% of the child-raising, and when he's not feeling great, I do 95% of the work with Lucas. David has never said no to changing a diaper cause he didn't feel like it, he never put the diaper on backwards, he never dropped little man, never fed him expired food, never forgot him, never confused him for another child. Instead, David plays with Lucas, he makes his dinner, he helps him with learning, he shares in disciplining him, he shares taking him to doctors appointments, comes to his school conferences, puts him to bed and gets him ready in the morning, does 100% of the work if I have to be out of town, and just loves his son. My husband opens my eyes to all the ways that society still doesn't acknowledge the fact that dad's are main caregivers to children. One such way is the absolute lack of changing tables in many public restrooms. That is the trend I am seeing in dads in society. They are not bumbling idiots who don't know right from left. They are confident, compassionate, engaged, and interested parents who don't expect their partner to do all the work of raising the children while they crash out on the couch with a beer. Honestly, this involved, loving father is far more interesting to me than the bad dad ever has been. If we want our boys to grow into dads who work beside their partner in raising children we need to be intentional about portraying them in media and in our homes. That means moms, we need to be ready to hand over the responsibilities and we need to be the number one cheerleaders for the dads of our children. We need to advocate for fair treatment, equal access, and recognizing the needs of our partners for engaging with their children. To all the dads out there - Happy Fathers Day and THANK YOU! Thank you for your part in raising our children. Know that we see you and all the love you show to your littles and we are so happy to have you as partners in this important work!
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AuthorI've been Robyn for my whole life. I've been a wife for 10 years and a mom for 5 years. I've been a pastor for about 10 years. I'm still stumbling, but I'm still standing. Archives
April 2019
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