**Disclaimer : David and I both love Lucas dearly. ** The other day someone said to me: "Haha, Sunday's must be pretty hectic in your household with two pastors. Who takes care of Lucas?" Actually, I should backtrack just a little. On Palm Sunday (4/14) at 3:00 p.m. after most people who attend church had heard of at least Jesus' triumphant entry into Jerusalem (and many others the entire Passion - betrayal, trial, crucifixion, and burial - of Jesus), a secondary appearance of Satan occurred. For it was at that time that Satan entered into one Lucas of the Hively household. (See below for actual footage) From that time on it was in Lucas' heart to make everything as hard as humanly possible for Robyn and David. (Lucas 5:4) For whatever reason, Lucas seemed to lose his ever-lovin' mind - the smallest thing would set him off. There was screaming, crying, hitting, self-imposed time outs, mocking, and general chaos-creation. This continued Monday... Tuesday... Wednesday... It got to the point on Thursday morning where I had to cancel the sitter because I just could not possibly subject her to the horror that was Lucas... I eventually got him off to school in the afternoon and had my cry and went into the office. Then, Friday Ms. Ava appeared and all was right in Lucas world again... until Saturday lunch, where once more the evil reared it's ugly head and there was more yelling, screaming and general discord. Currently, he is calm, sitting in David's chair with a snack... All of which means that Sophie will probably have her hands full tomorrow morning because it is Easter, and that means our schedule is COMPLETELY different, and our boy does not appreciate change. Anyway... back to the statement and question given to me this week. "Haha, Sunday's must be pretty hectic in your house with two pastors. Who watches Lucas?" It took a team of highly trained physicists to answer this question. Well... maybe not. But it feels like it some days. So, yea, our little man is not quite ready to monitor himself during services. He and I experimented with this one Sunday during the praise service at my church. My darling son decided that during my sermon would be an excellent time to slide out of the pew, stand in front of me, and shake his booty at the congregation. I get ahold of him and hold him to me until I think he has settled down and I release him so that he can go back to the pew... little did I realize he would, instead, make a beeline for the piano just behind me and to my right. I did my best to grab him before he made it passed me, but he's a slippery little kid and I missed. So, continuing to preach as best I could, I slowly make my way over, grab my child who is playing piano and pick all 50+ lbs of him up and he proceeds to grump into my over-the-ear microphone. Eventually he was corralled back into the pew and a fellow mom in the congregation took pity on me and came and distracted him with coloring. Yeah... so.... no, he's not allowed to hang out by himself in the pew on Sunday mornings as I have no desire for any more grey hairs. Which means that, since we don't have any blood relations close-by, we have to rely on dedicated babysitters. Over almost 4 years we have developed what I consider a pretty intricate system of available sitters for little man on Sunday mornings. Because, you see, this is not prime sitting time for many teenagers. (Shock, right? 7:30 on a Sunday morning is not when most high school students want to be at church with a five year old). d Therefore, we love our Sunday morning sitters dearly and try to compensate them as generously as we can. But there are a variety of forms that Sunday morning can take. 1) Great pastors, great parents 2) Great pastors, average parents 3) Failing pastors, great parents 4) Failing pastors, exhausted parents Scenario #1: Great pastors, great parents. (Btw: if anyone can find me that shirt, I would LOVE you!) This scenario is when Sundays go in the most ideal way possible. Which, as you can guess, is about once every couple years. This is the Sunday where, Robyn, David and Lucas all wake up at the same time, just a little earlier than other days, we have some wonderful snuggles, Lucas' board for the day gets made and he's happy about it, everyone showers/eats/gets dressed in the smoothest way possible. We pack a delicious and healthy snack and angels sing softly over us as we drive to church where the sitter meets us and Lucas floats through the first service, Sunday school, and then leaves with the sitter who we bought her own car seat just for this purpose. They go and have lunch and a delightful time until we get home. You see, in this scenario, everyone is relaxed, happy, and even joyful to go to the house of worship and celebrate God. Lucas gets to participate in worship and then partake of Christian education, our sitter leaves maybe a little tired but happy and well compensated. Robyn and David get to feel like we have been the ideal models of faith and parenting, and we rest in the afternoon content in all that has happened this day. Now, as I mentioned, this does not always happen... In fact, lately, this hasn't even seemed to happen a majority of the time even with the best of intentions on everyone's part. Which leads us to scenario #2. Scenario #2: Great pastor, average parent. In this scenario, the morning doesn't go exactly as planned. Either Lucas wakes up at some ungodly hour and sings while David and I lay awake but pretend that everything is fine and we are still resting. Or maybe Lucas, in spite of all our efforts and against the norm of every other day, decides that he is not going to wake up early and we end up having to wake him up. This usually leads to a rocky start with a grumpy, petulant Lucas who will just disagree with everything. Yet, we have to get him into the car and to church because the child needs Jesus and we need forgiveness and I will have my child in church like a great pastor, that and the day's babysitter will meet you at church (or I pick them up) and they hang around the church for all the prep time, all three services, and the close down time... And Lucas may or may not take in an entire service, and probably will get to Sunday school, but let's face it, that's a long tough day for a 5 year old and a tough situation for any sitter. But, he gets Jesus, he gets some kind of Christian ed, and we come home, and I let him watch more t.v. than I normally would, because... I need to stay sane. The babysitter goes home exhausted and maybe more than a little frustrated... This is more common than scenario #1. Which brings us to scenario #3. Scenario #3: Average pastor, great parent. In this scenario, Lucas has probably had a rough night or week, month... And mommy has schedule the sitter that he loves. We survive the morning but I win, I get him into the car, and I drop him off at the sitter's house. This sitter is pretty awesome, does a lot of arts and crafts, outside play, he gets dirty, sometimes they get to church. I leave a car seat with them and if they feel up to it, they may bring him to the praise service. So, Lucas is happy because he's got a fun day free from the house, isn't stuck in one place, gets to do cool stuff... but as a pastor, it's in the back of my mind that... hey... y'know... my son maybe didn't get to church today... he didn't get any Christian ed either... Maybe when we get home, after we eat lunch, I'll have him pick out some of his Jesus-centric stories and we get him some Jesus that way. Overall we feel pretty content, I'm a good mom because he had fun and you know, got a little Jesus. The sitter is happy, we are happy, it's a good compromise. But what feels like the most common scenario, is #4. Scenario #4: Fail pastor, exhausted parent Ok... so... full out confession... there are some weeks where it is just easier to leave my son at home and have a sitter come to the house and watch Lucas the whole morning. This might be because he has had just an awful night and it's just not worth the fight to get him there... or it might be that mommy is just flat out exhausted and this is honestly the easiest path. Another favorite sitter comes to the house, they have a great time, sitter leaves happy, mommy and daddy get to chill when we get home, everyone feels content at home, but in my head I hear that little voice saying "You bad pastor... you didn't even try to get any Jesus for your son today. He's going to grow up to be a hot mess and it's going to be your fault because you just didn't try hard enough. Being tired is not an excuse." About this time, I tell the voice to be quiet because I just don't have the energy to feel guilty. But, the babysitter goes home happy and balance is maintained. But here's the other reality. I have to book these sitters a couple weeks in advance and this means that I have to take my best guess as to how Lucas will be feeling, what the right choice is, get a good mix in their, and offer up a lot of prayers. Every once in a while we will need to do last minute changes, he's having a meltdown and I just can't get him to church or he wakes up sick, and then I have to call a sitter that morning and hope and pray. Other times something might come up for the sitter and I have to find a fill-in. Remember, now, Lucas doesn't like change, so I can't really give him too much information until I'm pretty sure what the day will hold. It's pretty stressful. Add on top of this that sometimes David needs to pick him up from somewhere and I have to 1) remember to tell him 2) remember to tell him where to get Lucas. So, yeah, you could say it's a little crazy around our house come Sunday mornings. Not to mention that during church I'm always watching and listening for a streak of a little boy or a screaming Lucas and my anxiety just ramps up pretty hardcore because there's only so much I can do to help out a sitter if things go sideways while I'm in the middle of worship. Now, tomorrow is Easter. That means that I have a sunrise service that STARTS at 6:30, which means I will be up at 4:30 and out of the house at 5:30. David has an extra service in there and he will be leaving earlier than normal. There's NO way I'm going to try and get Lucas up, ready, and out the door to be at sunrise service. So, God bless our sitter, she comes here and spends the night so that she is here when he wakes up and she gets him fed, dressed, and ready and most of the time is able to get him to church for one of the services. This is not an easy task or day because Lucas doesn't understand why things are so different, he usually doesn't get his basket or eggs until way late in the day, and Easter dinner is mainly something ordered from Bob Evans. But we are together, we proclaimed the Good News, and in all things we know Gods is good.
So, no matter what the scenario, no matter our moods, our successes or our failures, I know that God is good and I give thanks for the opportunity to be a part of this crazy, beautiful, complicated life and the chance to be mom to a pretty awesome kid. May your Easter be filled with great joy, many alleluia's, and much joy.
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I dipped into the suggestions I received when I asked on Facebook what people might want me to blog about and one was "How about choosing to extend grace?" This piqued my interest tonight so here we go. One of the first things that I think of when I'm asked about grace is to explain it alongside the concept of mercy. Mercy is choosing not to punish another even when they deserve it. Grace, then, is receiving something that we don't earn or deserve. Look, there's even all sorts of pretty images on Google that put this into a nice succinct quote. In my Christian viewpoint, this is to say that "grace is when God gives us what we don't deserve and mercy is when God doesn't give us what we do deserve." To break this down: 1) As a people, we are broken. We mess up all the time. I mean, all the time. We are constantly doing things that break our relationship to God and to one another. Both of those matter because our relationship to God can give us a center and a strength. Yet, God has declared, repeatedly, that our relationship to God's self is reflected in how we care for one another here. So, when we break relationships here we break our relationship with God. We don't always do this on purpose. That's the thing about being a flawed human, we sometimes do the things we don't want or mean to do in spite of our best intentions. 2) Since we are a broken, flawed creation, God could, rightly, judge and condemn us because of our pursuit of those things that are not-God, the things that break our relationship with God and one another. We get so wrapped up in seeking the things that will create the easiest and most pleasant path forward that we don't always pay attention to how it might hurt or affect others. Because of this, God could say, "Hey... Guys... stop doing the thing... seriously. Cause if you don't stop, I'm going to punish you and you're not going to like it. (My inspiration for that wording comes from the video "Honest Preacher" which is quite possibly one of my favorite pastor parody videos ever). 2 (continued - cause I can). That's basically exactly what we tend to do... We walk up to God and go "Whoops." And God is like "Guysssss!!!! Seriously?" 3. Therefore, God is is presented with two options. Either give us what we deserve - punishment, or don't give us what we deserve - mercy. Because I believe that God is good and loving, I trust that God continues to shower us with mercy because of the great love God holds for us. 4) So, now that we know that we don't get what we do deserve (in other words, mercy), we should probably be good, right? Shouldn't mercy be enough? Well... sure... if we were content to live a life that is constantly in the state of waiting to see the result of what we have done (action --> reaction). Thankfully, God realized that all that did was make us into even more anxious monkeys. 5) So, what did God decide to do with these anxious monkeys? God knew we really struggled with living into the guide given to us for a best life in harmony with one another. This meant that all we would ever have time to do was offer up burnt offerings in order to make up for our many and varied "oopses." If all we were doing was burning up offerings because we were so worried about how much we were falling short and trying to convince God to show us mercy we really weren't living up to the other things that God really wanted us to pay attention to. That's from Micah 6:8. What does God require of us? Those three things. We do those, we are living into God's desire for the people of God. Yet, somehow, we still mess it up. Which leads to... 6) Grace. Grace is all about giving us what we don't deserve because God loves us. Such as forgiveness. Like, the ultimate forgiveness through Christ's death on the cross. This freed these anxious monkeys from our cyclical routine of messing up, going to God and saying "oops" and then offering a burnt offering. Rinse... repeat. Instead, God said, "All right... I'm gonna simple this up a bit. I forgive you. Through the sacrifice of Christ to overcome death and the grave, you don't have to worry about all those burnt offerings and stuff. That means you can circle back to acting justly, loving mercy, and walking humbly with God." 7) Guess what...? We still mess up. I mean, Jesus simplified it even more for us. "Love God, love one another." That's it. And we still can't get that right. Guyyyysssss.... you're making me look bad in front of God. Just kidding. I'm just as guilty of this as anyone else. I struggle with snap judgments, withholding forgiveness, anger, bitterness, unkind words, etc. 8) So... what then? Are we just supposed to cross our fingers and hope that we stay on the good side of luck and God? What exactly is our responsibility if we know going into it we aren't going to be able to live up to it? We offer extravagant grace as often as we are able. One example I've given my congregation before is when people come to me asking for help. A lot of these people will have their story ready to go as soon as you take a breath because they know if they don't get it out the likelihood of help, or even just having someone listen, go down dramatically. Yes, it is quite possible that I am being taken advantage of by some of these people. I do my best to verify if the need is valid since I have access to limited funds and I want to use them responsibly. But, most of the time there really isn't any way to verify a story and then what is there to do? Offer grace. Abundant and extravagant grace. Help as I am able without demanding anything in return. Why? Why give the benefit of the doubt? Why help when there is a likelihood you are being taken advantage of? Why put myself out there? We do it because it is a response to the extravagant grace we have received from God. I serve a God who is all about unmerited grace and forgiveness and second, third, and fourth chances. If, in all of my messed up brokenness, God can see something beautiful and worth saving and forgiving and loving, I can see something beautiful and worth saving, loving and forgiving in others. One of my favorite Christian songs - At the Foot of the Cross by Kathryn Scott. Some of my favorite lyrics are: "At the foot of the cross, where grace and suffering meet, you have shown me your love... Now I can trade these ashes in for beauty and wear forgiveness like a crown." We are given every opportunity to dust off the ash and brokenness of our lives through the love, grace and mercy of God. When we wear forgiveness like a crown we cannot help but offer that same forgiveness and grace to others as they come before us. Not because it's going to earn us any more stars in our crowns or because we're afraid of getting in trouble, but because we have seen such incredible and beautiful love and grace from God that we can't help but share it with others.
Extravagant grace. Unmatched mercy. Act justly. Love mercy. Walk humbly. Wear forgiveness like a crown and know you are loved. |
AuthorI've been Robyn for my whole life. I've been a wife for 10 years and a mom for 5 years. I've been a pastor for about 10 years. I'm still stumbling, but I'm still standing. Archives
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