Let me start with a "whoops" and an apology. Like anything else, blogging has a learning curve. Mine just happens to include the fact that I need to double-check when I have pre-set a post to go live and if I think I reset that time, I should really make sure I did. My previous post went live before I finished writing it... so I figured I would just do a part 2 instead of continuing on the last post. So, here you go, crazy beautiful depression... Part 2. (Who knew I'd have sequels this early in my blogging career?) I left off my last post talking about how the promising strides forward in talking about and aiming to fix our broken mental healthcare program gets slowed down by politics. So, as media falls away and the Snapchat filters cycle out, the general public reverts to a state of complacency. When someone reaches out to share their burden or their need the reaction becomes on of distancing or a desire to "not get too involved" and even "I have my own things to worry about." This cycle is so predictable that I cringe whenever it begins. I cringe because the media tramples the celebrity and their family with over-simplified explanations. I cringe because according to the AFSP (American Foundation for Suicide Prevention) suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the US. https://afsp.org I cringe because 44,965 Americans die by suicide annually. Because for every suicide there are 25 attempts. And because in light of these staggering numbers it's usually not a a small town neighbor's finished battle with mental illness that starts conversation, it's one big name person. But, here are some staggering numbers: To see more really good information on mental illness see: www.nami.org/Learn-More/Mental-Health-By-the-Numbers But the truth is that mental illness and suicide are more than just numbers. It is people who you love with stories and histories that are often invisible. Mental illness is not just someone who "looks crazy."
In my mind, there was a giant "C" carved into the middle of my forehead to label me as "crazy." It was honestly terrifying. Which, of course, did nothing to alleviate my anxiety. What also did not help was the portrayal of people with mental illness in television and movies. I was counting down the minutes until I had a breakdown and ended up in the pretty white jacket locked off somewhere. And at that time, people were not talking about mental illness. It was super taboo. You know, I was young, so I'd just grow out of it, I was just going through a phase. Again, all the unhelpful soundbites that make the speaker feel better but don't do a whole lot for the hearer. There are still times that it is hard to live in peace with my depression and anxiety. Many times they want to take center stage and try to convince me that I have no right to feel the way I do. My life is good. I have a loving husband and a beautiful son that I love dearly. My calling as pastor is fulfilling and meaningful. What in the world do I have to be depressed about? And speaking of being a pastor, shouldn't I just be able to "pray it away." (I am NOT going to get started about that particular phrase here, but it will come, promise.) For what I consider to be a quality way to speak about depression I recommend going and reading "Hyperbole and a Half: Adventures in Depression" (hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2011/10/adventures-in-depression.html ) This is a part of my reality and there are things I can do that help and that let me be more in control, but there's no magic cure. But I do realize that I am particularly blessed to both have very good health insurance and a job that pays enough to let me have access to solid mental health care.
That's why I am grateful whenever the public conversation starts in the public eye again, because I am aware of how many people are out there without access to quality care for their mental illness and do not have any way to work through these thoughts and the weight this places on their shoulders. The other thing that being in the public eye does is help cut back on the stigma... Well, one would hope anyway. Many times I see the concepts of mental illness being minimized and simplified to the point where it is very hard to have a meaningful conversation about something that has been reduced to a soundbite. I guess what I really wanted people to know is that: if you feel there is something wrong with you and you are all alone, you are not. If you can't find a safe space to share your questions, concerns, and fears, you have a safe space in me. And if you are not struggling with mental illness, I urge you, be an advocate. Research, study, and work toward taking away the stigma and the easy label and strive to find a way for quality mental healthcare to be available to all people regardless of income. Remember the stats I shared earlier from NAMI. It is entirely possible that while you might not struggle in a battle with mental illness that someone you know and love is fighting a battle that feels larger than life. Be kind. Be gentle. Love one another.
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AuthorI've been Robyn for my whole life. I've been a wife for 10 years and a mom for 5 years. I've been a pastor for about 10 years. I'm still stumbling, but I'm still standing. Archives
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